Saying Goodbye

For the past 6 weeks I've watched a man I once loved with all my heart, the father of my children, slowly die. It started with a stroke and went down hill from there.

My daughter rearanged her life & her family's to take care of him. They gave him a room in their small house, had Hospice come in to help & through this found out who thier friends really were. My son did what he could, staying by Johns side as much as possible, helping here and there when needed. Helping to make decisions.

Though John and I haven't been married for nearly 15 years, we still talked on occasion and spent special days with the family such as birthdays and holidays. A few times I stopped at his place to help him figure out his computer & to talk about our grown kids.

He was a good man, we just couldn't agree on too many things important to a marriage to live together any longer. I guess the 26 years difference in our ages was part of the problem.

I was always the planner, budgeter etc, he couldn't see why I just didn't let things happen. On more than one occassion, since he did the bills, we had services turned off because he went fishing or hunting and used the money for that instead of the bill. Well, that was John and at his age you just weren't going to change him.

Now comes the hardest part of loosing a loved one. The family is finding out that he wasn't prepared for this day and the financial burden is going to fall on those left. His older daughters from a first marriage couldn't be bothered, if they aren't getting something, then forget it. They've created problems instead of helping. I will say though that the son from that marriage isn't that way. He & his family have been helping in any way they can.

My children are both adrift with all the problems their father dying has left. How do you pay for a funeral when there is no money...
My daughter has been trying to sell everything she can to get money but people just aren't buying. Things have been on Craigs list for weeks with no takers. The furniture and other items are well made, in great condition but the money just isn't out there and people just aren't buying.

Mike and I have said we will help with expenses as much as we can, but we really don't have any extra to speak of. What we can manage, we will see that it goes toward his funeral bill. I realize that I don't have to feel responsible for this debts since I'm no longer married to him, but My children are important to me and the help is for them.

I've done my crying and then some...whether it was soley for John or mostly for the pain and loss my children are experiencing I can't really tell you. I'd say it's probably a combination of both plus anger at how callus his older daughters have been. They never were much in the loving child department, but this just shows how mercenary they really are. It's said that what goes around comes around so I imagine this will be revisited on them in a manner that will bring home just what their actions created. I just hope I'm around to see it happen!

Blogs & Bugs...

Yeah, I know my last bit of input was in December2007...my problem has been that I couldn't get signed in, no matter what I tried so I just sorta let it slide. I happened to mention the problem this week to a friend who is also on blogger and she said to let her try to get in and wouldn't you know it, it popped up first time for her. Don't know why I suddenly couldn't get in, but it looks like things are straightened out now.

Well, it's been awhile since I've been able to get back to this. A lot has happened!

My parents house sold, didn't get as much as I think we should have gotten since it was on 4 lots, but at least we are out from under all the added expense and worry that having it caused.
My son had to have major surgery twice because of a work related accident and he still isn't, and may never be, back to work and of course for those of you who know how workers comp works, he is fighting the system for all he is worth. The Dr said he was as good as he was going to get so of course the WC people promptly said "OK, you can go back to work now" well if he could stand or sit for more than 15 minutes without being in pain (it was his back that was injured) he might be able to go back to work, but as it is, he is in constant pain and even the Dr says he can't work. Hence the fight with the WC people.

The week before Christmas Mike and I took over the care of my daughters peke. He was getting too old to put up with the 5 & 6 year olds. We have managed, in such a short time to pamper, spoil and otherwise enrich his cute little self. ha ha
He follows us around, sits on our laps and has us well and fully trained. The house is now full of dog toys, I've placed rugs in front of the furniture he can get on so he is able to jump up, the hardwood floors kept him slipping and unable to jump. He is only 8lbs and very small. The ottoman he seems to dearly love is like jumping a high hurdle unless he has the rug for traction. Chewy is one of the most loving pets I've ever seen. We feel very glad to have him with us. I'm checking into allergy shots next week. Unfortunately I'm allergic to animal dander and have had an allergic reaction since we brought Chewy home.

All in all it was a very good Holiday Season for us. There is plenty of love to go around in our family, We managed to get almost everyone together for at least one day, Mike did have the tummy grumps so he couldn't make it but we celebrated later that evening when I got home. hmmmmm!

Our little tree needs to be replaced. It's about 20 years old and really looks it. ha ha We will probably hit a few of the post Christmas sales this week and try and pick up another. I want one with the lights already on it. Stringing lights is the one thing I really dislike. I like how they look when I'm done, but I hate doing it. I too have back problems and bending / standing up long enough to get the job done leaves me in pain and not enough energy to finish the tree. I guess that is why I seem to put it off for as long as possible each year. This year we only had the tree up for a week before Christmas. If it wasn't for the fact that Mike really likes a tree I wouldn't have even bothered. So much for my Christmas Spirit!

Whewww, I finally made it!

Well, this has been an interesting few weeks. Once I started my blog, for what ever reason, I couldn't get back in to post after I closed it the first time. It's taken me and my friend Cheryl all this time to finally figure out what it was, and in truth we aren't really sure which one of the little toggles I changed that allowed access.
Well, now that my semi-rant is over I feel better!
It's been a busy two weeks as well....I had to make one of the hardest decisions last week and that was to sell my parents house. The house I helped them build for their retirement, the house that always felt like a safety net for me, even after they were gone, even when I was letting my ex live in it.
Well, he moved out and it had to go on the market. It's in a small town and too far away, from where I work, for me to even consider living in it, but it was home for the last 20 years of my parents lives. Even though they've been gone since the middle 90's I've felt it was still home.
Now, someone else will own it and that's hard for me to reconcile. The only thing I won't miss is the constant problem of who would mow the grass (it's on 4 lots in a lake development and they have RULES!).

Me with a blog...

There I was, working side by side with my girlfriend Cheryl when she says, "go here, type this, yeah that's right, see, now you have a blog!" A blog, me with a blog. This could be dangerous, I love writing and sometime forget to stop, much less wind it down. I've been writing short stories for fun since about 1983. A few have been published in "fan-zines" over the years and one of my poems was even included in a coffee table book edition of verse, but I haven't really pushed it, except for fun. Just think what kind of stuff I can do here. The mind boggles !