Saying Goodbye

For the past 6 weeks I've watched a man I once loved with all my heart, the father of my children, slowly die. It started with a stroke and went down hill from there.

My daughter rearanged her life & her family's to take care of him. They gave him a room in their small house, had Hospice come in to help & through this found out who thier friends really were. My son did what he could, staying by Johns side as much as possible, helping here and there when needed. Helping to make decisions.

Though John and I haven't been married for nearly 15 years, we still talked on occasion and spent special days with the family such as birthdays and holidays. A few times I stopped at his place to help him figure out his computer & to talk about our grown kids.

He was a good man, we just couldn't agree on too many things important to a marriage to live together any longer. I guess the 26 years difference in our ages was part of the problem.

I was always the planner, budgeter etc, he couldn't see why I just didn't let things happen. On more than one occassion, since he did the bills, we had services turned off because he went fishing or hunting and used the money for that instead of the bill. Well, that was John and at his age you just weren't going to change him.

Now comes the hardest part of loosing a loved one. The family is finding out that he wasn't prepared for this day and the financial burden is going to fall on those left. His older daughters from a first marriage couldn't be bothered, if they aren't getting something, then forget it. They've created problems instead of helping. I will say though that the son from that marriage isn't that way. He & his family have been helping in any way they can.

My children are both adrift with all the problems their father dying has left. How do you pay for a funeral when there is no money...
My daughter has been trying to sell everything she can to get money but people just aren't buying. Things have been on Craigs list for weeks with no takers. The furniture and other items are well made, in great condition but the money just isn't out there and people just aren't buying.

Mike and I have said we will help with expenses as much as we can, but we really don't have any extra to speak of. What we can manage, we will see that it goes toward his funeral bill. I realize that I don't have to feel responsible for this debts since I'm no longer married to him, but My children are important to me and the help is for them.

I've done my crying and then some...whether it was soley for John or mostly for the pain and loss my children are experiencing I can't really tell you. I'd say it's probably a combination of both plus anger at how callus his older daughters have been. They never were much in the loving child department, but this just shows how mercenary they really are. It's said that what goes around comes around so I imagine this will be revisited on them in a manner that will bring home just what their actions created. I just hope I'm around to see it happen!